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January 1, 2012 by Marcus Gottlieb

Amazing diet to add 5 pounds solid flesh in 1 week!

Amazing diet to add 5 pounds solid flesh in 1 week!

The National Obesity Forum and the International Chair on Cardiometabolic Risk have conducted a joint survey of more than 2,000 people which found that 42% of 18 to 24-year-olds would not tell a loved one they should lose weight out of reluctance to hurt the other person’s feelings. For those aged 25 to 44 it was just over a third, while for older people it was about one in four. Men find it hardest to tell their partners, while women were more worried about bringing up the issue with a friend.

Prof David Haslam, chair of the National Obesity Forum, is quoted as saying: ‘If someone close to you has a large waistline then, as long as you do it sensitively, discussing it with them now could help them avoid critical health risks later down the line and could even save their life.’

Dr Jean Pierre Despres, scientific director of the International Chair on Cardiometabolic Risk, agreed: ‘Start by encouraging someone close to you to make simple lifestyle changes such as becoming more active, making small alterations to their eating habits and replacing sugary drinks with water.’

The plate that nags you to diet.

The plate that nags you to diet.

Given that a certain level of fat accumulation around the waist and internal organs increases the statistical risk of diabetes, heart disease and stroke, this sounds very sensible indeed to me. At the same time, I must admit to a lot of scepticism.

Does exhortation to lose weight ever work? Whether it’s coming from another person or from inside our own head, are we really likely to comply, on a permanent basis? Now there’s even a Talking Plate that nags you to eat slowly! The outcome of most diets is to gain yet more weight, once the diet has ended. And the truth is, they always do end!

However, the good Prof Haslam did put in the proviso about discussing this issue ‘sensitively’ so on that ground alone it feels OK to me to give him a grain of publicity.

My own approach when working with people who consider their weight or fat to be a concern, is to emphasise learning trust in the self, using intuition about what is ‘good’ behaviour around food, listening to the body’s internal signals, discarding shame and replacing it with self-love – all of which, I’m sorry to say, takes time.

Six top tips

  1. Take small pauses to listen to your body’s own signals.
  2. Eat when you’re actually hungry! Then stop when you’re not!
  3. Eat sitting down, calmly, in company.
  4. There are no forbidden foods (that ‘naughty but nice’ nonsense!)
  5. End the diet rollercoaster (drama but no fun!)
  6. Eat with pleasure and gusto!

Of course, in actual fact it saves time: it’s the diets that waste time! If you drop quick fixes and focus on finding a sustainable relationship with food and your body, you are likely to lose weight over a period of time and keep it off without worrying. This entails deep re-training of ourselves to differentiate between ‘comfort’ eating and ‘hunger’ eating. It also means tackling the guilt and shame head on, by ending the habits of eating in secret, or when distracted such as when driving in the car. It’s a process, I say again, that demands time and effort.

The 12-step programme of Overeaters Anonymous is worth a mention here as it suits many people. Again, it has a slow, steady approach – not shouting at people but supporting them! I’m not sure if the medical profession in its institutional form, say in the shape of the National Obesity Forum, is capable yet of finding the right tone in which to address all the people who feel distressed about their eating, and for whom food is not the unalloyed pleasure it should be. But then, do organisations composed of doctors know how to talk about pleasure?

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Filed Under: body, change, diet, shoulds, weight Tagged With: body, change, diet, dieting, skinny, slimming, weight, weight loss

February 21, 2011 by Marcus Gottlieb

I find this a moving anecdote from ‘Learned Helplessness’ by C. Peterson, S.F. Maier & M.E.P. :

On its two floors, the Arden House Nursing Home had about 100 patients in residence. Their average age was eighty. Two psychologists, Judy Rodin and Ellen Langer, decided to introduce some additional good things to this particular nursing home: movies and decorative plants.

At a meeting on the first floor, the director told the patients:

I was surprised to learn that many of you don’t realise the influence you have over your lives here. It’s your life and you can make of it whatever you want. You made the decisions before you came here, and you should be making them now. I want to take this opportunity to give each of you a present from Arden House. [Plants are passed around, and each patient chooses one.] The plants are yours to keep and take care of as you like. One last thing, I wanted to tell you that we’re showing a movie two nights next week, Thursday and Friday. You should decide which night you’d like to go.

[Read more…] about being in charge

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Filed Under: ageing, change, esteem Tagged With: ageing, change, esteem, meaning

December 30, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

  • The freedom to see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was or will be.
  • The freedom to say what one feels and thinks instead of what one should.
  • Virginia Satir, author of these Five Freedoms, was an internationally known therapist (referred to by many as “the pioneer of family therapy”), teacher, and author. Her books Peoplemaking and Conjoint Family Therapy are two of the central texts of humanistic psychology. Satir, who died in 1988, held high hopes and great enthusiasm for the ability of the human spirit to make this world a better place to live. Her vision was to help empower people to reach their full potential.
  • The freedom to feel what one feels instead of what one ought to.
  • The freedom to ask for what one wants instead of always waiting for permission.
  • The freedom to take risks in one’s own behalf instead of choosing to be only ‘secure’ and not rocking the boat.
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    Filed Under: change, esteem Tagged With: change, esteem, shoulds

    December 11, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

    I WALK DOWN THE STREET.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I fall in.
    I am lost.
    I am helpless.
    It isn’t my fault.
    It takes forever to find a way out.

    I WALK DOWN THE SAME STREET.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I pretend I don’t see it.
    I fall in, again.
    I can’t believe I am in this same place.
    But it isn’t my fault.
    It still takes a long time to get out.

    I WALK DOWN THE SAME STREET.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I see it is there.
    I still fall in.
    It’s a habit.
    But, my eyes are open.
    I know where I am.
    It is my fault.
    I get out immediately.

    I WALK DOWN THE SAME STREET.
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
    I walk around it.

    I WALK DOWN ANOTHER STREET.

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    Filed Under: change Tagged With: change

    December 9, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

    CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is all the rage these days. Here is a pretty useful CBT exercise for those of us over-identified with our ‘thinking part’.

    The Daily Mood Log (© David Burns, ‘Feeling Good Handbook’, 1989) comprises a four-step approach to tackling distorted thoughts  –  which we often don’t even realize are distorted until we get some external feedback or do something like this exercise.
     
    Get some paper out and try it next time you’re feeling a bit low or stressed.
     
    I’ve adapted David Burns’ original format slightly.
     
    Step One:  Record the Upsetting Event in between about 10 and 25 words.
             
    Step Two:  Record your Current Emotions and rate them from 0 (the least) to 100 (the most).
     
    Examples of Emotions are: sad, guilty, lonely, gloomy, miserable, cheerless, unhappy, hopeless, dismal, sullen, despondent, melancholic, angry, annoyed, irritated, livid, furious, enraged, resentful, outraged, cross, irate, frustrated, afraid, fearful, anxious, scared, terrified, helpless, nervous, worried, alarmed, frightened, embarrassed, mortified.
     
    Step Three:  Record your Upsetting Thoughts and then next to each of them write the Distortion contained in the Thought together with a more positive and realistic Counter-Thought.
     
    The Upsetting Thoughts and the Distortions will probably be habitual and even feel ‘automatic’, whereas the Counter-Thoughts may be less familiar: be creative and give yourself some lovingkindness through this process!
     
    Examples of Distortions are:
     
    ‘All or Nothing’ (thinking in absolute black and white categories).
    Overgeneralisation (one setback makes you think in terms of never-ending defeat).
    Negative mental filter (dwell on the downside instead of exploring the upside).
    Dismissing yourself (insisting your qualities and achievements don’t count).
    Assumptions (taking it for granted that other people are reacting badly to you, even though you can’t possibly know for sure).
    Fortune telling (pessimism, even though none of us knows the future).
    Magnification (blowing things out of proportion).
    Minimisation (inappropriately dismissing the importance of people, things and events).
    Inappropriate reliance on your feelings (I feel like an idiot so I must be one; I don’t feel like doing this so I’ll put it off).
    Inappropriate reliance on the word ‘should’ (taking your internal Critic too seriously).
    Labelling the person instead of their action (calling yourself a ‘loser’ instead of acknowledging you ‘made a mistake’).
    Blaming (usually simplistic and leads nowhere!)
     
    Step Four:  Reflect on your Counter-Thoughts. Try and make them believable to you, such that you can take them on board, literally breathe a sigh of relief, and think to yourself ‘Actually I’m not a bad person’ or ‘The world isn’t a wholly bad place’ or some such, more realistic view. The breath of relief is important. Take your time over this. Then consider your relationship to your original Upsetting Thoughts, and make a note how you experience yourself:
     
    ·         No better.
    ·         Slightly better.
    ·         Somewhat better.
    ·         Quite a lot better.
    ·         Much better.

    Repeat dose as often as required!
                           

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    Filed Under: assumptions, CBT, change, exercises, shoulds Tagged With: assumptions, CBT, change, exercises, shoulds

    November 25, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

    Caring behaviours are the life blood of a relationship.  They are those small, frequent acts of sensitivity, kindness and caring that let our partner know that she or he is important to us.  They range from a warm greeting on return home, to a phone call during the day, to special gifts and cards at birthdays and anniversaries, to a back rub or a foot rub for a tired partner.  They are signs that we matter and that our relationship is important.
     
    A lessening of caring behaviours is often a sign that the relationship is under stress or that negative feelings are accumulating and grudges are being held.  Often partners wait for good feelings to return before continuing caring behaviours.  However, these good feelings are frequently elicited only by experiencing such caring behaviours.  Therefore, to improve a relationship, it is important to take the initiative in offering acts of caring and kindness.  It is important that each partner take responsibility for offering caring behaviours rather than waiting to see what his partner is going to do, in a tit-for-tat fashion.  The following exercise is an important one to sustain a loving, nurturing relationship.  Practice it whether or not you at present feel committed to your relationship.  The only way you can make an intelligent decision about staying or leaving is to see how you feel after such positive acts of caring have been taking place.
     
    EXERCISE:  Make a list of 12 or more behaviours that your partner does, could do or that you wish he/she would do that help you to feel more loved, important, special.  Think carefully of your wish list.  It is a list of small present or potential sources of pleasure in your life.  Make the list specific, e.g. not “I want you to be more considerate” but “I would like you to carry the groceries out of the car and stay and help me to put them away when I have been shopping”.  Or “When I come home from work I would like 20 minutes to be left alone to unwind and read the mail”.  Be as specific as you can.  You can add to the list later as you think of other caring behaviours, but for now write at least 12.  These are some examples from other people:
     
    “I feel cared about when you…”
     
    “…give me a massage or bath (not only as a prelude to sex)”.
    “…shampoo my hair”.
    “…ask me about my work or how I’m feeling or how my day went”.
    “…plan an evening out instead of me planning it”.
    “…kiss me goodbye in the morning”.
    “…hold my hand in the movies”.
    “…put your arm around my shoulder or your hand on the back of my neck”.
    “…rub my head or play with my hair”.
    “…do one of ‘my’ chores (e.g. make dinner, wash the dishes, mow the lawn)”.
    “…exercise with me”.
    “…are nice to my parents/friends”.
    “…call during the day or if you are going to be late”.
    “…give me love notes”.
    “…bring me flowers”.
    “…snuggle with me in the morning before we get up”.
     
    You can include special circumstances, e.g.
     
    “When I am sick, I love it when you…”.
    “When I am tired…”.
    “When I am worried…”.
    “When I am afraid…”.
    “When I am unhappy…”.
    “For celebrations…”.
     
    Then exchange lists with your partner.  Read each other’s list carefully and clarify any confusion you may have as to what is being requested.
     
    Feel free to add any caring behaviour your partner has listed to your own list, if it is something you too would find pleasurable.
     
    Post your partner’s list somewhere you’ll see it every morning, e.g. bathroom mirror, dresser, fridge.  For the next week, make a point of expressing your caring in at least 3 actions daily that your partner has requested.
     
    Each evening, review both lists, mark the caring behaviours you noticed that your partner offered and the date, thank your partner, and if there are caring behaviours you’ve offered that your partner didn’t notice or mark, gently call attention to them.
     
    Continue to offer caring behaviours and to acknowledge with appreciation those you receive.  We all need to feel appreciated and we all want to receive pleasure.  Take responsibility for noting or requesting those things that make your life happier, and don’t expect mind-reading.  Caring behaviours nurture a relationship and create an atmosphere in which tenderness and love can thrive.

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    Filed Under: change, couples, exercises, problem-solving, relationships Tagged With: change, couples, exercises, problem-solving, relationships

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    Pesso Boyden Group with accredited practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

    Pesso Boyden Group with accredited PBSP practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

    Pesso Boyden Therapy (‘PBSP’) is a philosophical process for becoming whole.

    It is a respectful, interactive group process that heals by embedding new memories in the brain and in the body

    Most people consciously or unconsciously have memories – explicit or implicit – of 

    1. deficits 

    2. traumas 

    3. having to take care of others when we were too young – e.g. protecting a sibling, providing the joy in the life of an unhappy parent, unconsciously becoming the ‘spouse’ of a widowed parent, or making the world right after hearing stories of injustice. 

    When any of these three categories of memory appear in the client’s work, the client and therapist work together to externalise them, in order to illuminate the client’s ways of handling life and to facilitate change. The client is always in charge of this process – people and incidents from the client’s past will be symbolised in the here-and-now either by people in the group or by objects in the room, all chosen and placed by the client. 

    The therapist then works with the client to facilitate an antidote to what happened in the past – a new memory which provides what the client needed at that particular time in their past, from a specific kinship figure. This new memory may be developed over several sessions in a number of steps. In the Pesso approach we don’t change our history; however, we do change our response to our history, leading to a new perspective. 

    The way is opened to possibilities of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, integration and connectedness.

     



    Deborah has worked as a Performance Coach for over 16 years having trained with Coach U. Her background is in the arts as an actor, theatre director and artistic director. She has worked with a wide range of people from all walks of life. Having first encountered Pesso Boyden as a client, she felt inspired to do the training herself. Since graduating in 2013 she has been running Personal Development workshops using the Pesso Boyden system and is now accredited by the official PBSP U.K. organisation.

    Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor
    Marcus Gottlieb is a highly experienced London-based psychotherapist with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Having trained alongside Deborah directly under Al Pesso and his closest collaborator Lowijs van Perquin, he is steeped in the work of PBSP and a strong believer in the client’s genetic impulse towards health and expression of their unique potential and individual destiny. He became an accredited Pesso Boyden therapist in 2021.
    Pesso Boyden Workshop with Ana María Ruiz Sancho and Marcus Gottlieb

     

    Pesso Boyden Therapy is a respectful and highly respected, body-based psychotherapy with distinctive techniques aimed at addressing entrenched issues. It is an interactive process that creates new body-based memories to heal emotional deficits of the past.

    An exceptionally powerful personal development tool, it uses feedback, systematic procedures, objects and role players in a unique methodology, in order to repair the early traumas, wounds and losses that can powerfully influence the brain’s map of the world.

    In shifting underlying perspectives, the way is opened to the possibility of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness, and an enhanced freedom to effect longed-for changes.

    It is expected there will be between 8 and 12 participants, with an absolute maximum of 15. The day will start with an explanation of Pesso Boyden and an experiential introduction, followed by 4 actual client sessions of an hour each.

    Venue: Philadelphia Association, 4 Marty’s Yard, London NW3 1QW
    Date: Saturday 3 June 2017
    Time: 0930 to 1800
    Cost: £75

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    Ana María Ruiz Sancho is an experienced psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. She is also a specialist in group dynamics and an Institutional and Team Motivation Consultant.

    Ana is the Founder and a Director of VocAcción, as well as being a qualified Pesso Boyden psychotherapist.


    Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor

    Marcus Gottlieb works with relationships, sexuality, abuse and trauma, with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Qualified in Pesso Boyden as well as other psychotherapies, he is also an Alexander Technique teacher.

    An Introduction to the Pesso Boyden Method

     

    An opportunity to learn about and observe the distinctive techniques of this respectful body-based psychotherapy.

    Suitable for both psychologically interested professionals, people seeking personal development/CPD and for people not in the therapeutic professions seeking to address entrenched issues. For all those who are interested in living a larger life. A special price of £35 for the day includes lunch and refreshments. CPD certificates will be available.

    PBSP (Pesso-Boyden System Psychomotor) is a powerful, deeply respectful, psychotherapeutic process that uses feedback, ritual, objects and role players in a unique manner to heal the traumas, wounds and losses that affect our personal map of the world.

    Its central goal is the imaginative creation of an ‘ideal’ healthy past that a person’s brain processes so that they emerge feeling differently about themselves. As Albert Pesso said, ‘Humanity is responsible for the meaning that surrounds us. The task for each person is to create a meaningful life and then live it with existential courage and passion.’

    As well as gaining new perspectives, clients often experience increased pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness following a PBSP session and find themselves psychologically freer to make the changes they wish for in their lives.
    Date: Saturday 7 October 2017
    Venue: Notting Hill, London W11
    Time: 10.00 am – 4.30 pm
    Cost: £35 (inc lunch & refreshments)

     

    Register Your Interest


    Boarding School Survivor Syndrome Conference

    BOARDING SCHOOL: Surviving the Syndrome
    Broken Attachment and Childhood Trauma

    University of Brighton

    Saturday 9 September 2017
    9.30 am to 5.00 pm

    Conference for psychotherapists, counsellors, mental health workers, boarding school survivors and other interested people.

    Conference overall aims are to:
    § Present key aspects of what has been published about the psychological and other effects of boarding.
    § Explore helpful therapeutic approaches for clients who are former boarders.
    § Consider current research and a possible agenda for future research
    § Enable networking amongst those interested in this important topic

    Chair: Pam Howard, School of Applied Social Science, University of Brighton.

    Speakers: Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Alex Renton, Thurstine Basset, Anni Townend, Olya Khaleelee.

    Group Discussion Facilitators: Marcus Gottlieb, Leslie Lund, Nicola Miller, Simon Partridge, Boarding Concern Directors.

    For more details, contact Laura Williams:
    southcoastevents@brighton.ac.uk