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  • Psychotherapy in West London
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Psychotherapy in West London

Psychotherapy & Counselling with Marcus Gottlieb

Therapy for Male Victims of Domestic Violence

When men are victims of Violence, Rape and the Sexual Abuse, Counselling with Marcus can help

There is a myth that domestic violence, emotional abuse and sexual abuse do not happen to men. Nothing could be further from the truth. Statistics show that domestic violence against men is widespread. These attacks can happen to anyone regardless of gender, size, age, appearance or sexual orientation. The abuser can be female or male, gay or straight. Domestic Violence Therapy for Men helps any man who has suffered any form of violent, sexual or psychological abuse to manage and understand their physical or emotional response to it and to move forward.

Necessity for Safe Space to Talk about Abuse In Your Own Time

Domestic Violence Therapy for Men offers a safe and confidential space where you will be heard, accepted and affirmed. This is crucial, because many male victims of physical, emotional or sexual abuse find it extremely challenging to talk about their experience. They may fear judgment or ridicule, and that fear itself increases their feelings of isolation and shame. A domestic violence therapist will understand that:

  • Being beaten up, shamed or raped has nothing to do with being weak or not a ‘real’ man. Actually, it takes great strength and self-control to put up with long-term abuse without retaliating.
  • It takes strength to stay in a controlling, unhappy relationship for the sake of your children.
  • It takes strength to stay in an abusive relationship because you still love your partner and hope that they might change.
  • It takes strength to finally admit that you are in an abusive relationship, and that you might need help.
  • There is no obligation at all to speak, only the opportunity to do so when you’re ready and in your own time.

Other Myths about Male Victims of Domestic Violence

  • ‘If you have been drinking or taking drugs and someone sexually abused you, you were asking for it.’ Not true.
  • ‘Gay men and boys are sexually abused more than heterosexuals.’  Not true.
  • ‘Only gay men sexually assault other men.’ Not true.
  • ‘Sexual abuse makes you gay.’ Not true.
  • ‘Men cannot be sexually abused by women.’ Not true.
  • ‘Erection or ejaculation during a sexual abuse means you really wanted it or consented to it.’ Not true.
  • ‘Being sexually abused will make you an abuser.’ Not true.

Sexual assault is about violence, anger, power and control over another person. It’s not about lust, desire or sexual attraction.

Some Common Feelings Following Male Rape or Assault

  • Shock, Numbness
  • Disbelief and/or Denial (trying to shrug it off)
  • Embarrassment
  • Shame, Guilt
  • Depression, Tiredness, Hopelessness
  • Powerlessness
  • Disorientation
  • Flashbacks (Through All 5 Senses)
  • Fear, Anxiety, Paranoia
  • Anger and Rage Problems
  • Physical Stress, Aches and Pains

Particular Issues for LGBT Men who have been the victims of domestic violence

Gay and bi men may be particularly prone to suffering the following types of domestic abuse:

  • threats of being ‘outed’
  • being forced to stay closeted if the abusive partner is in the closet
  • threats by the abuser to harm themselves if you leave
  • threats to disclose your HIV or STI status
  • verbal abuse about your HIV or STI status
  • threats to infect you by not practising safe sex
  • violation of your boundaries, safe words and limits during sex
  • pressure to have sex with other men
  • pressure to take drugs or alcohol to ‘get into the mood’ for sex

Gay and bi men who are experiencing domestic violence may assume:

  • there is no point trying to seek help or support
  • no one will understand you or believe you
  • you will be treated with contempt
  • the violence is your fault and you are to blame
  • your partner will change because he said he is sorry and even promises to ‘get help’

Gay and Bi men may stay in an abusive relationship believing that:

  • there isn’t the same entitlement to legal protection as straight people enjoy
  • abuse in same-sex relationships is ‘normal’
  • if you behave differently your partner will change
  • your partner is turning over a new leaf

I’m experiencing Domestic Abuse and feel unsafe, what should I do?

You may be used to feeling resigned, hopeless and overwhelmed by fear – fear of loneliness, fear of violence, fear of the unknown.

Once someone starts to use violence and abuse, it is likely to escalate and get worse, whatever the abuser says. Changing your behaviour, as the abuser may be demanding, is unlikely to stop the abuse.

Talking through your situation and the violence you are living with may help you to begin to make sense of your situation, enable you to look at your options and discuss safety in a logical manner, including whether to involve the police or to seek temporary accommodation in a refuge.

Therapy for Male Victims of Domestic Violence with Marcus

Whether you are a man who has been the victim of domestic violence, rape or another form of physical or psychological abuse, whether it was in the past or is a situation that you are currently enduring, counselling with a therapist can help you to move forward, talk to Marcus in a safe confidential space

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Domestic Abuse and Violence Subjects I Often Work With

  • Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse & Trauma
  • Adults in Abusive Relationships
  • Male Victims of domestic violence
  • Adult Victims of Boarding School Abuse

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Pesso Boyden Group with accredited practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

Pesso Boyden Group with accredited PBSP practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

Pesso Boyden Therapy (‘PBSP’) is a philosophical process for becoming whole.

It is a respectful, interactive group process that heals by embedding new memories in the brain and in the body

Most people consciously or unconsciously have memories – explicit or implicit – of 

1. deficits 

2. traumas 

3. having to take care of others when we were too young – e.g. protecting a sibling, providing the joy in the life of an unhappy parent, unconsciously becoming the ‘spouse’ of a widowed parent, or making the world right after hearing stories of injustice. 

When any of these three categories of memory appear in the client’s work, the client and therapist work together to externalise them, in order to illuminate the client’s ways of handling life and to facilitate change. The client is always in charge of this process – people and incidents from the client’s past will be symbolised in the here-and-now either by people in the group or by objects in the room, all chosen and placed by the client. 

The therapist then works with the client to facilitate an antidote to what happened in the past – a new memory which provides what the client needed at that particular time in their past, from a specific kinship figure. This new memory may be developed over several sessions in a number of steps. In the Pesso approach we don’t change our history; however, we do change our response to our history, leading to a new perspective. 

The way is opened to possibilities of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, integration and connectedness.

 



Deborah has worked as a Performance Coach for over 16 years having trained with Coach U. Her background is in the arts as an actor, theatre director and artistic director. She has worked with a wide range of people from all walks of life. Having first encountered Pesso Boyden as a client, she felt inspired to do the training herself. Since graduating in 2013 she has been running Personal Development workshops using the Pesso Boyden system and is now accredited by the official PBSP U.K. organisation.

Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Marcus Gottlieb is a highly experienced London-based psychotherapist with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Having trained alongside Deborah directly under Al Pesso and his closest collaborator Lowijs van Perquin, he is steeped in the work of PBSP and a strong believer in the client’s genetic impulse towards health and expression of their unique potential and individual destiny. He became an accredited Pesso Boyden therapist in 2021.
An Introduction to the Pesso Boyden Method

 

An opportunity to learn about and observe the distinctive techniques of this respectful body-based psychotherapy.

Suitable for both psychologically interested professionals, people seeking personal development/CPD and for people not in the therapeutic professions seeking to address entrenched issues. For all those who are interested in living a larger life. A special price of £35 for the day includes lunch and refreshments. CPD certificates will be available.

PBSP (Pesso-Boyden System Psychomotor) is a powerful, deeply respectful, psychotherapeutic process that uses feedback, ritual, objects and role players in a unique manner to heal the traumas, wounds and losses that affect our personal map of the world.

Its central goal is the imaginative creation of an ‘ideal’ healthy past that a person’s brain processes so that they emerge feeling differently about themselves. As Albert Pesso said, ‘Humanity is responsible for the meaning that surrounds us. The task for each person is to create a meaningful life and then live it with existential courage and passion.’

As well as gaining new perspectives, clients often experience increased pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness following a PBSP session and find themselves psychologically freer to make the changes they wish for in their lives.
Date: Saturday 7 October 2017
Venue: Notting Hill, London W11
Time: 10.00 am – 4.30 pm
Cost: £35 (inc lunch & refreshments)

 

Register Your Interest


Boarding School Survivor Syndrome Conference

BOARDING SCHOOL: Surviving the Syndrome
Broken Attachment and Childhood Trauma

University of Brighton

Saturday 9 September 2017
9.30 am to 5.00 pm

Conference for psychotherapists, counsellors, mental health workers, boarding school survivors and other interested people.

Conference overall aims are to:
§ Present key aspects of what has been published about the psychological and other effects of boarding.
§ Explore helpful therapeutic approaches for clients who are former boarders.
§ Consider current research and a possible agenda for future research
§ Enable networking amongst those interested in this important topic

Chair: Pam Howard, School of Applied Social Science, University of Brighton.

Speakers: Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Alex Renton, Thurstine Basset, Anni Townend, Olya Khaleelee.

Group Discussion Facilitators: Marcus Gottlieb, Leslie Lund, Nicola Miller, Simon Partridge, Boarding Concern Directors.

For more details, contact Laura Williams:
southcoastevents@brighton.ac.uk

Pesso Boyden Workshop with Ana María Ruiz Sancho and Marcus Gottlieb

 

Pesso Boyden Therapy is a respectful and highly respected, body-based psychotherapy with distinctive techniques aimed at addressing entrenched issues. It is an interactive process that creates new body-based memories to heal emotional deficits of the past.

An exceptionally powerful personal development tool, it uses feedback, systematic procedures, objects and role players in a unique methodology, in order to repair the early traumas, wounds and losses that can powerfully influence the brain’s map of the world.

In shifting underlying perspectives, the way is opened to the possibility of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness, and an enhanced freedom to effect longed-for changes.

It is expected there will be between 8 and 12 participants, with an absolute maximum of 15. The day will start with an explanation of Pesso Boyden and an experiential introduction, followed by 4 actual client sessions of an hour each.

Venue: Philadelphia Association, 4 Marty’s Yard, London NW3 1QW
Date: Saturday 3 June 2017
Time: 0930 to 1800
Cost: £75

Register Your Interest



Ana María Ruiz Sancho is an experienced psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. She is also a specialist in group dynamics and an Institutional and Team Motivation Consultant.

Ana is the Founder and a Director of VocAcción, as well as being a qualified Pesso Boyden psychotherapist.


Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor

Marcus Gottlieb works with relationships, sexuality, abuse and trauma, with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Qualified in Pesso Boyden as well as other psychotherapies, he is also an Alexander Technique teacher.

Contact Marcus

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