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esteem

February 21, 2011 by Marcus Gottlieb

I find this a moving anecdote from ‘Learned Helplessness’ by C. Peterson, S.F. Maier & M.E.P. :

On its two floors, the Arden House Nursing Home had about 100 patients in residence. Their average age was eighty. Two psychologists, Judy Rodin and Ellen Langer, decided to introduce some additional good things to this particular nursing home: movies and decorative plants.

At a meeting on the first floor, the director told the patients:

I was surprised to learn that many of you don’t realise the influence you have over your lives here. It’s your life and you can make of it whatever you want. You made the decisions before you came here, and you should be making them now. I want to take this opportunity to give each of you a present from Arden House. [Plants are passed around, and each patient chooses one.] The plants are yours to keep and take care of as you like. One last thing, I wanted to tell you that we’re showing a movie two nights next week, Thursday and Friday. You should decide which night you’d like to go.

[Read more…] about being in charge

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    • Assertiveness Skills
    • Career transition counselling coaching
    • Counselling for Coping with Prejudice & Discrimination
    • Work Life Balance Counselling
    • Workplace Bullying & Harassment

Filed Under: ageing, change, esteem Tagged With: ageing, change, esteem, meaning

January 26, 2011 by Marcus Gottlieb

I have spent a lot of hours in therapy group settings over the past 15 years. There have been tears, there have been laughs, but nothing quite like this bizarre depiction, which gets better every time I view it. It’s from Israeli tv show ‘Ktzarim’:

If you get a chance, do consider joining a therapy group, short or long term. A safe, confidential group led by a skilled psychotherapist fosters the appropriate desire to speak and be heard. It supports dignity, self-respect and self-responsibility, and there’s an enormous need for that in this world of indignities and irresponsibility.

Therapy groups sutbly alter the expectations we’ve inherited from our family and schooling. They’re rare, invaluable spaces where we can try out new and different ways of relating and become saner, healthier social animals.

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  • Work & Career Issues Therapy
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    • Career transition counselling coaching
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Filed Under: anger, assumptions, esteem, group, relationships Tagged With: anger, assumptions, esteem, group, relationships

January 18, 2011 by Marcus Gottlieb

Opening Up My Heart To My Home
by Denise Dupont

Coming home.
Coming home to me.
This is the way I would like to be.
To walk in my home with love, integrity
Honour, respect for myself and respect for others.

Coming home to myself, means I take
Notice of me, my skin, my smell, my shape,
My hair, my sensuality and sexuality.
My dance and my love
My love for myself and my love for others

Coming home to myself is opening up my
Heart to the core of my existence
My essence, my beauty, my creativity
My soul and my roots.

Coming home is being able
to say to myself I LOVE YOU.

 

I Do Not Love You by Jeffery Lane

I do not love you because you are not good enough.

I do not love you because you do not deserve love.

My love is not something I will give you freely.

My love is something you must earn.

You want to know what you must do in order to be loved, and only I can tell you.

If I tell you what to do and you do it then you’ll expect me to love you.

So I won’t tell you what it is you must do, so you cannot do it.

[Read more…] about two poems about love

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Filed Under: body, esteem, relationships Tagged With: body, esteem, parents, relationships

January 12, 2011 by Marcus Gottlieb

How can I prepare for a fulfilling life? (letter from an enquiring girl, aged 15)

Virginia Satir wrote this reply:

  • I am me.
  • In all the world there is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no one adds up exactly like me. I have some parts like others but I don’t add up to be exactly like anyone else. Therefore, everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone chose it.
  • I own everything about me – my body, including everything it does; my mind, including all its thoughts and ideas; my eyes, including the image of all my eyes behold; my feelings, whatever they may be – anger, joy, frustration, love, disappointment, excitement; my mouth and all that comes out of it – words polite, sweet or rough – correct and incorrect; my voice, loud or soft; and all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
  • [Read more…] about i am me

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      • Gay Couples Therapy
      • LGBTQ and sexual orientation
      • lonliness isolation abandonment
      • Low Self Confidence & Low self Esteem
      • Pesso-Boyden Therapy in London
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      • sexual difficulties sexual obsessions & addictions
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      • Social Anxiety and other phobias and fears
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      • Therapy Groups & Workshops
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    • Terms and Conditions
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      • Male victims of domestic violence
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      • Therapy for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
    • Work & Career Issues Therapy
      • Assertiveness Skills
      • Career transition counselling coaching
      • Counselling for Coping with Prejudice & Discrimination
      • Work Life Balance Counselling
      • Workplace Bullying & Harassment

    Filed Under: esteem Tagged With: esteem, meaning

    January 2, 2011 by Marcus Gottlieb

    As the New Year reminds us of our gradually advancing age, let’s just consider the not inconsiderable, brighter side (with gratitude to Anthony):

  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first
  • It’s harder and harder for harassment charges to stick
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building
  • People call at 9 pm and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac
  • There’s nothing left to learn the hard way
  • Things you buy now won’t wear out
  • [Read more…] about benefits of growing older

    List of pages

    • About Marcus Gottlieb West London Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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      • Addictions & Dependencies
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      • Anger & Rage
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      • Behaviour Change
      • Bereavement, Grief & Loss
      • body image issues and body hatred
      • Bullying & Harassment
      • CBT West London
      • Chronic fatigue IBS ME Psychosomatic Symptoms
      • Compulsive Behaviour
      • Couples Counselling in Notting Hill
      • Depression & Mood Swings
      • Eating Disorders & Intuitive Eating
      • Family & Parental Issues
      • Gay Couples Therapy
      • LGBTQ and sexual orientation
      • lonliness isolation abandonment
      • Low Self Confidence & Low self Esteem
      • Pesso-Boyden Therapy in London
      • Relationship Counselling
      • sexual difficulties sexual obsessions & addictions
      • Sleep disorders Insomnia and relaxation issues
      • Social Anxiety and other phobias and fears
      • Stress Overwhelm & Burnout
      • Therapy Groups & Workshops
    • Psychotherapy Supervision
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Therapy for abuse victims and abuse survivors
      • Male victims of domestic violence
      • Therapy for Abusive Relationships
      • Therapy for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
    • Work & Career Issues Therapy
      • Assertiveness Skills
      • Career transition counselling coaching
      • Counselling for Coping with Prejudice & Discrimination
      • Work Life Balance Counselling
      • Workplace Bullying & Harassment

    Filed Under: assumptions, body, esteem, meaning Tagged With: assumptions, body, esteem, meaning

    December 30, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

  • The freedom to see and hear what is here instead of what should be, was or will be.
  • The freedom to say what one feels and thinks instead of what one should.
  • Virginia Satir, author of these Five Freedoms, was an internationally known therapist (referred to by many as “the pioneer of family therapy”), teacher, and author. Her books Peoplemaking and Conjoint Family Therapy are two of the central texts of humanistic psychology. Satir, who died in 1988, held high hopes and great enthusiasm for the ability of the human spirit to make this world a better place to live. Her vision was to help empower people to reach their full potential.
  • The freedom to feel what one feels instead of what one ought to.
  • The freedom to ask for what one wants instead of always waiting for permission.
  • The freedom to take risks in one’s own behalf instead of choosing to be only ‘secure’ and not rocking the boat.
  • List of pages

    • About Marcus Gottlieb West London Psychotherapist & Counsellor
    • Boarding School Survivors Therapy
      • Boarding School Survivors & Relationship Issues
      • Boarding School Survivors and Bullying
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    • Contact
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    • FAQ
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    • Psychotherapy in West London
      • Addictions & Dependencies
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      • Anger & Rage
      • Anxiety & Panic
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      • body image issues and body hatred
      • Bullying & Harassment
      • CBT West London
      • Chronic fatigue IBS ME Psychosomatic Symptoms
      • Compulsive Behaviour
      • Couples Counselling in Notting Hill
      • Depression & Mood Swings
      • Eating Disorders & Intuitive Eating
      • Family & Parental Issues
      • Gay Couples Therapy
      • LGBTQ and sexual orientation
      • lonliness isolation abandonment
      • Low Self Confidence & Low self Esteem
      • Pesso-Boyden Therapy in London
      • Relationship Counselling
      • sexual difficulties sexual obsessions & addictions
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    • Terms and Conditions
    • Therapy for abuse victims and abuse survivors
      • Male victims of domestic violence
      • Therapy for Abusive Relationships
      • Therapy for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
    • Work & Career Issues Therapy
      • Assertiveness Skills
      • Career transition counselling coaching
      • Counselling for Coping with Prejudice & Discrimination
      • Work Life Balance Counselling
      • Workplace Bullying & Harassment

    Filed Under: change, esteem Tagged With: change, esteem, shoulds

    December 27, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

    How you feel about yourself is a major factor in the quality of your intimate relationships. Trouble in a relationship almost always involves a problem with self-esteem.

    Self-worth is a natural product of receiving appropriate validation, attention and approval as we are growing up. You need to be confident about your competence, your mastery of the world. Beyond that, you need to feel that you are loveable, someone that others would want to be close to – competent or not – just by virtue of existing.

    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sunshine.    – Ralph Waldo Emerson

    When you don’t have a lot of self-confidence you tend to be so preoccupied with questions of self-worth that when you interact with someone else, especially someone who is important to you, you may not perceive what is going on very accurately. Questions like:

      Am I good enough?
      Will he like me?
      Will she want me?
      Do my feelings matter?
      Am I safe?
      Will I be attacked?
      Will I be hurt?
      Will I be laughed at or humiliated?
      Is it safe to ask?

    One of the things we have to do to develop our sense of self and greater self-esteem is to accept who we actually are, as opposed to who we are trying to fool ourselves or other people into thinking we are. This means experimenting, trying on different hats and finding out which one feels comfortable, exploring new activities to see which we enjoy and are suited to, taking chances, opening ourselves up a step at a time, allowing ourselves successes as well as failures, seeing mistakes and crises as opportunities to learn and grow. For many of us it means abandoning the belief that the alternative to being perfect is being awful.

    [Read more…] about the importance of being ‘worth it’

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    Filed Under: CBT, esteem, relationships Tagged With: CBT, esteem, relationships

    December 21, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

    This is from Marianne Williamson’s A Return To Love. There’s a myth around that Nelson Mandela quoted this passage during his inaugural presidential speech. Just a myth. No matter – I don’t think it needs anything to add to its lustre!

    Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
    Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
    It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
    We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
    Actually, who are you not to be?
    You are a child of God.
    Your playing small does not serve the world.
    There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
    We are all meant to shine, as children do.
    We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
    It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
    And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
    As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

    List of pages

    • About Marcus Gottlieb West London Psychotherapist & Counsellor
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      • Assertiveness Skills
      • Career transition counselling coaching
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    Filed Under: esteem Tagged With: esteem, meaning

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    Pesso Boyden Group with accredited practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

    Pesso Boyden Group with accredited PBSP practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

    Pesso Boyden Therapy (‘PBSP’) is a philosophical process for becoming whole.

    It is a respectful, interactive group process that heals by embedding new memories in the brain and in the body

    Most people consciously or unconsciously have memories – explicit or implicit – of 

    1. deficits 

    2. traumas 

    3. having to take care of others when we were too young – e.g. protecting a sibling, providing the joy in the life of an unhappy parent, unconsciously becoming the ‘spouse’ of a widowed parent, or making the world right after hearing stories of injustice. 

    When any of these three categories of memory appear in the client’s work, the client and therapist work together to externalise them, in order to illuminate the client’s ways of handling life and to facilitate change. The client is always in charge of this process – people and incidents from the client’s past will be symbolised in the here-and-now either by people in the group or by objects in the room, all chosen and placed by the client. 

    The therapist then works with the client to facilitate an antidote to what happened in the past – a new memory which provides what the client needed at that particular time in their past, from a specific kinship figure. This new memory may be developed over several sessions in a number of steps. In the Pesso approach we don’t change our history; however, we do change our response to our history, leading to a new perspective. 

    The way is opened to possibilities of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, integration and connectedness.

     



    Deborah has worked as a Performance Coach for over 16 years having trained with Coach U. Her background is in the arts as an actor, theatre director and artistic director. She has worked with a wide range of people from all walks of life. Having first encountered Pesso Boyden as a client, she felt inspired to do the training herself. Since graduating in 2013 she has been running Personal Development workshops using the Pesso Boyden system and is now accredited by the official PBSP U.K. organisation.

    Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor
    Marcus Gottlieb is a highly experienced London-based psychotherapist with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Having trained alongside Deborah directly under Al Pesso and his closest collaborator Lowijs van Perquin, he is steeped in the work of PBSP and a strong believer in the client’s genetic impulse towards health and expression of their unique potential and individual destiny. He became an accredited Pesso Boyden therapist in 2021.
    An Introduction to the Pesso Boyden Method

     

    An opportunity to learn about and observe the distinctive techniques of this respectful body-based psychotherapy.

    Suitable for both psychologically interested professionals, people seeking personal development/CPD and for people not in the therapeutic professions seeking to address entrenched issues. For all those who are interested in living a larger life. A special price of £35 for the day includes lunch and refreshments. CPD certificates will be available.

    PBSP (Pesso-Boyden System Psychomotor) is a powerful, deeply respectful, psychotherapeutic process that uses feedback, ritual, objects and role players in a unique manner to heal the traumas, wounds and losses that affect our personal map of the world.

    Its central goal is the imaginative creation of an ‘ideal’ healthy past that a person’s brain processes so that they emerge feeling differently about themselves. As Albert Pesso said, ‘Humanity is responsible for the meaning that surrounds us. The task for each person is to create a meaningful life and then live it with existential courage and passion.’

    As well as gaining new perspectives, clients often experience increased pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness following a PBSP session and find themselves psychologically freer to make the changes they wish for in their lives.
    Date: Saturday 7 October 2017
    Venue: Notting Hill, London W11
    Time: 10.00 am – 4.30 pm
    Cost: £35 (inc lunch & refreshments)

     

    Register Your Interest


    Boarding School Survivor Syndrome Conference

    BOARDING SCHOOL: Surviving the Syndrome
    Broken Attachment and Childhood Trauma

    University of Brighton

    Saturday 9 September 2017
    9.30 am to 5.00 pm

    Conference for psychotherapists, counsellors, mental health workers, boarding school survivors and other interested people.

    Conference overall aims are to:
    § Present key aspects of what has been published about the psychological and other effects of boarding.
    § Explore helpful therapeutic approaches for clients who are former boarders.
    § Consider current research and a possible agenda for future research
    § Enable networking amongst those interested in this important topic

    Chair: Pam Howard, School of Applied Social Science, University of Brighton.

    Speakers: Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Alex Renton, Thurstine Basset, Anni Townend, Olya Khaleelee.

    Group Discussion Facilitators: Marcus Gottlieb, Leslie Lund, Nicola Miller, Simon Partridge, Boarding Concern Directors.

    For more details, contact Laura Williams:
    southcoastevents@brighton.ac.uk

    Pesso Boyden Workshop with Ana María Ruiz Sancho and Marcus Gottlieb

     

    Pesso Boyden Therapy is a respectful and highly respected, body-based psychotherapy with distinctive techniques aimed at addressing entrenched issues. It is an interactive process that creates new body-based memories to heal emotional deficits of the past.

    An exceptionally powerful personal development tool, it uses feedback, systematic procedures, objects and role players in a unique methodology, in order to repair the early traumas, wounds and losses that can powerfully influence the brain’s map of the world.

    In shifting underlying perspectives, the way is opened to the possibility of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness, and an enhanced freedom to effect longed-for changes.

    It is expected there will be between 8 and 12 participants, with an absolute maximum of 15. The day will start with an explanation of Pesso Boyden and an experiential introduction, followed by 4 actual client sessions of an hour each.

    Venue: Philadelphia Association, 4 Marty’s Yard, London NW3 1QW
    Date: Saturday 3 June 2017
    Time: 0930 to 1800
    Cost: £75

    Register Your Interest



    Ana María Ruiz Sancho is an experienced psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. She is also a specialist in group dynamics and an Institutional and Team Motivation Consultant.

    Ana is the Founder and a Director of VocAcción, as well as being a qualified Pesso Boyden psychotherapist.


    Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor

    Marcus Gottlieb works with relationships, sexuality, abuse and trauma, with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Qualified in Pesso Boyden as well as other psychotherapies, he is also an Alexander Technique teacher.