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Psychotherapy in West London

Psychotherapy & Counselling with Marcus Gottlieb

Boarding School Survivors Therapy & Counselling in London

December 15, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

Becoming a mature, autonomous adult is a lot about taking responsibility for our feelings, and as a first step we need to get clearer about what our feelings are. This is a good tool. Start a diary, write in it these sentence stems, be as honest as you can and just see what emerges. A diary is a fantastic place to have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself, a great chance to get burdens off your chest. And where the sentence or sentiment is addressed to another person, pick whoever seems appropriate. The sentence stems are adapted from Nathaniel Branden’s ‘If You Could Hear What I Cannot Say’.

Allowing Others To See Me

If I were willing to be vulnerable I might tell you…
If I weren’t afraid of being condemned I might tell you…
If I weren’t so scared I might tell you…

If I didn’t feel I always have to be strong I might tell you…
If I knew you wouldn’t laugh at me I might tell you…
If the child in me could speak s/he might say…
If I was willing to let myself be embarrassed I might tell you…
I can’t possibly tell you…
One of the ways I protect myself is…
If I knew no-one would ever find out I would…
If I didn’t have to worry about my image…
If I could show you my hurt…
If I felt free to SHOUT I might…
If I were willing to share vulnerably I…

A Perspective On My Life

Ever since I was a child…
All my life…
One of the things I had to do to survive was…
I can remember…
One of the things I’m afraid I might remember is…

A Perspective On Growing Up

One of the ways I keep myself a child is…
The hard thing about being an adult…
The good thing about being a child is…
The bad thing about growing up is…
‘Grown up’ means…

Mother

My mother was always…
With my mother I often felt…
My mother often seemed to expect…
What I needed from my mother and didn’t get was…
One of my mother’s ways of nurturing me was to…
My mother never…
My mother made me feel…
My mother thought of me as…
When my mother was angry with me she would…
If I had felt free to be angry with my mother…
When my mother touched or held me I felt…

Mother’s Influence

My mother often gave me the feeling that I…
My mother always saw me as…
If my mother could see me now…
My mother gave me a view of men as…
From my mother I learned that crying was…
My mother gave me the sense that an intimate relationship with a partner was…
What my mother taught me about sex was…
I’m still trying to win my mother’s approval by…
My mother gave me the sense that my body was…
One of the ways I’m like my mother is…
My mother gave me a view of women as…
From my mother I learned that anger…
The message I got from my mother about life was…
How I mother myself is…

Father

My father was always…
With my father I often felt…
My father often seemed to expect…
What I needed from my father and didn’t get was…
One of my father’s ways of nurturing me was to…
If my father saw me being successful…
If my father saw me failing…
My father never…
My father made me feel…
My father thought of me as…
When my father was angry with me he would…
If I had felt free to express anger towards my father…
When my father touched or held me I felt…

Father’s Influence

My father often gave me the feeling that I…
My father always saw me as…
If my father could see me now…
My father gave me a view of men as…
From my father I learned that crying was…
My father gave me the sense that an intimate relationship with a partner was…
What I learned from my father about sex was…
I’m still trying to win my father’s approval by…
My father gave me the sense that my body was…
One of the ways I’m like my father is…
My father gave me a view of women as…
From my father I learned that anger…
The message I got from my father about life was…
How I father myself is…

My Wants And Needs

If I were willing to admit my unmet needs I might tell you…
One of the things I find it hard to admit I want is…
What I need and have never received from a man is…
What I need and have never received from a woman is…
If I were willing to share what I want I might say…

Acceptance

If I could accept my own body…
A hard thing about accepting my body is…
What’s difficult about accepting my sexuality is…
What’s difficult about being a man is…
What’s difficult about being a woman is…
The hard thing about being an adult is…

Feelings

I easily become frustrated when…
I tend to blame others when…
I usually take the blame when…
I blame myself for…
When I get angry I usually…
When I get angry it’s usually when…
What concerns me about my anger is…
When you get angry I notice that you…
I’m still angry inside because…
What concerns me about your anger is…
I’m disappointed that you…
I’m furious that you…
I’m irritated that you…
When I feel hurt I usually…
Crying, to me, is…
I would feel ok crying if…
One of the ways I hide my hurt is…
You can tell I’m hurt when…
Hurt feelings still inside me are from…
You hurt me when…
I notice you are hurt when…
What I need when I’m hurt is for you to…
When I’m afraid I usually…
You can tell I’m feeling threatened when I…
Becoming vulnerable and showing fear, for me, is…
One of the ways I hide my fear is…
I feel anxious or afraid when…
One of the things I really fearful of is…
The scariest thing I’ve ever experienced is…
When I feel sad I tend to…
I still feel sad that…
A big loss in my life was…
I still need to finish grieving…
A time when I felt helpless is when…
I feel ashamed that…
I still feel guilty that…
I become depressed when…

Conclusion

What I’ve learned is…
I’m becoming aware that…
A way I want to change now is…
I now understand…
An important issue I want to resolve, soon, is…
What I want now is…
What I deserve is…
One of the things I’m thankful for is…
I appreciate…
I love…
I am…

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Pesso Boyden Group with accredited practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

Pesso Boyden Group with accredited PBSP practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

Pesso Boyden Therapy (‘PBSP’) is a philosophical process for becoming whole.

It is a respectful, interactive group process that heals by embedding new memories in the brain and in the body

Most people consciously or unconsciously have memories – explicit or implicit – of 

1. deficits 

2. traumas 

3. having to take care of others when we were too young – e.g. protecting a sibling, providing the joy in the life of an unhappy parent, unconsciously becoming the ‘spouse’ of a widowed parent, or making the world right after hearing stories of injustice. 

When any of these three categories of memory appear in the client’s work, the client and therapist work together to externalise them, in order to illuminate the client’s ways of handling life and to facilitate change. The client is always in charge of this process – people and incidents from the client’s past will be symbolised in the here-and-now either by people in the group or by objects in the room, all chosen and placed by the client. 

The therapist then works with the client to facilitate an antidote to what happened in the past – a new memory which provides what the client needed at that particular time in their past, from a specific kinship figure. This new memory may be developed over several sessions in a number of steps. In the Pesso approach we don’t change our history; however, we do change our response to our history, leading to a new perspective. 

The way is opened to possibilities of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, integration and connectedness.

 



Deborah has worked as a Performance Coach for over 16 years having trained with Coach U. Her background is in the arts as an actor, theatre director and artistic director. She has worked with a wide range of people from all walks of life. Having first encountered Pesso Boyden as a client, she felt inspired to do the training herself. Since graduating in 2013 she has been running Personal Development workshops using the Pesso Boyden system and is now accredited by the official PBSP U.K. organisation.

Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor
Marcus Gottlieb is a highly experienced London-based psychotherapist with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Having trained alongside Deborah directly under Al Pesso and his closest collaborator Lowijs van Perquin, he is steeped in the work of PBSP and a strong believer in the client’s genetic impulse towards health and expression of their unique potential and individual destiny. He became an accredited Pesso Boyden therapist in 2021.
An Introduction to the Pesso Boyden Method

 

An opportunity to learn about and observe the distinctive techniques of this respectful body-based psychotherapy.

Suitable for both psychologically interested professionals, people seeking personal development/CPD and for people not in the therapeutic professions seeking to address entrenched issues. For all those who are interested in living a larger life. A special price of £35 for the day includes lunch and refreshments. CPD certificates will be available.

PBSP (Pesso-Boyden System Psychomotor) is a powerful, deeply respectful, psychotherapeutic process that uses feedback, ritual, objects and role players in a unique manner to heal the traumas, wounds and losses that affect our personal map of the world.

Its central goal is the imaginative creation of an ‘ideal’ healthy past that a person’s brain processes so that they emerge feeling differently about themselves. As Albert Pesso said, ‘Humanity is responsible for the meaning that surrounds us. The task for each person is to create a meaningful life and then live it with existential courage and passion.’

As well as gaining new perspectives, clients often experience increased pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness following a PBSP session and find themselves psychologically freer to make the changes they wish for in their lives.
Date: Saturday 7 October 2017
Venue: Notting Hill, London W11
Time: 10.00 am – 4.30 pm
Cost: £35 (inc lunch & refreshments)

 

Register Your Interest


Boarding School Survivor Syndrome Conference

BOARDING SCHOOL: Surviving the Syndrome
Broken Attachment and Childhood Trauma

University of Brighton

Saturday 9 September 2017
9.30 am to 5.00 pm

Conference for psychotherapists, counsellors, mental health workers, boarding school survivors and other interested people.

Conference overall aims are to:
§ Present key aspects of what has been published about the psychological and other effects of boarding.
§ Explore helpful therapeutic approaches for clients who are former boarders.
§ Consider current research and a possible agenda for future research
§ Enable networking amongst those interested in this important topic

Chair: Pam Howard, School of Applied Social Science, University of Brighton.

Speakers: Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Alex Renton, Thurstine Basset, Anni Townend, Olya Khaleelee.

Group Discussion Facilitators: Marcus Gottlieb, Leslie Lund, Nicola Miller, Simon Partridge, Boarding Concern Directors.

For more details, contact Laura Williams:
southcoastevents@brighton.ac.uk

Pesso Boyden Workshop with Ana María Ruiz Sancho and Marcus Gottlieb

 

Pesso Boyden Therapy is a respectful and highly respected, body-based psychotherapy with distinctive techniques aimed at addressing entrenched issues. It is an interactive process that creates new body-based memories to heal emotional deficits of the past.

An exceptionally powerful personal development tool, it uses feedback, systematic procedures, objects and role players in a unique methodology, in order to repair the early traumas, wounds and losses that can powerfully influence the brain’s map of the world.

In shifting underlying perspectives, the way is opened to the possibility of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness, and an enhanced freedom to effect longed-for changes.

It is expected there will be between 8 and 12 participants, with an absolute maximum of 15. The day will start with an explanation of Pesso Boyden and an experiential introduction, followed by 4 actual client sessions of an hour each.

Venue: Philadelphia Association, 4 Marty’s Yard, London NW3 1QW
Date: Saturday 3 June 2017
Time: 0930 to 1800
Cost: £75

Register Your Interest



Ana María Ruiz Sancho is an experienced psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. She is also a specialist in group dynamics and an Institutional and Team Motivation Consultant.

Ana is the Founder and a Director of VocAcción, as well as being a qualified Pesso Boyden psychotherapist.


Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor

Marcus Gottlieb works with relationships, sexuality, abuse and trauma, with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Qualified in Pesso Boyden as well as other psychotherapies, he is also an Alexander Technique teacher.