• Supervision with Marcus
  • Fees & Questions
  • About Marcus
  • How To Find
    & Contact Me
  • 07973 322 819
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer
  • Psychotherapy in West London
  • Therapy for Abuse Victims & Survivors
  • Work & Career Issues Therapy
  • Boarding School Survivors Therapy

Psychotherapy in West London

Psychotherapy & Counselling with Marcus Gottlieb

Boarding School Survivors Therapy & Counselling in London

December 17, 2010 by Marcus Gottlieb

The following exercise (adapted from ‘Feelings First’ by Dr John Gray) can help you detect layers of feelings that are present with respect to some ‘hot’ issue for you in your relationship. Though Gray calls it ‘The Love Letter’ it may seem anything but! It’s a process of peeling away the nastier layer of feelings that often prevent us experiencing our caring, compassionate self ‘buried’ underneath, the more tender, forgiving self that we probably prefer to be.
 
The process can be used in minutes as a ‘quick fix’ or you can take some hours or days to work with it.
 
Think of an issue about which you have some strong upsetting feelings, i.e. you’re holding a grudge. Write a letter to the person involved, headed ‘Everything I Needed To Say And Didn’t’. You probably won’t end up delivering the letter, so let yourself go! Don’t edit your feelings or try to be nice or reasonable, and don’t defend or explain your viewpoint. Just take the opportunity to vent whatever resentment or anger or wounded pride or hurt there may be in you.
 
Start the letter with sentences like:

  • I’m angry that…
  • I blame you for…
  • I resent…
  • I can’t stand…
  • I’m annoyed with…
  • I’m fed up with…
  • I needed and didn’t get…
  • I’m furious/outraged that…
  • I can’t forgive you for…
  •  
    Then move on to sentences that begin:

  • I feel hurt by…
  • I feel sad when…
  • I’m disappointed because…
  • I feel awful because…
  • I want…
  •  
    Having expressed your anger and then your hurt and sadness, move on to your feelings (there are bound to be some) of fear and insecurity:

  • I’m anxious because…
  • I’m afraid that…
  • What scares me is…
  • I’m worried about…
  • I want…
  •  
    Next, deal with your feelings of guilt and responsibility:

  • I regret…
  • I may be to blame for…
  • I feel sympathy for…
  • I didn’t mean to…
  • Please forgive me for…
  • I wish…
  •  
    Finally, make space for expressions of understanding and love:

  • I appreciate your…
  • I realize…
  • I value…
  • I can forgive you for…
  • I hope that…
  •  
    This order or arrangement is important, and so is an even weight between the sections of the letter. Review what you’ve written, making sure it truly expresses your feelings, and in a balanced way. If it’s fuller towards the start of the letter, you may be stuck in anger; if it’s fat in the middle, you may be overidentified with guilt; if it’s bottom heavy, you may be avoiding the angry, ‘nastier’ stuff in you that needs some sort of honouring and respecting. The principle is, all the parts of ourself need some exposure or airing some time or other.
     
    Take the time to reflect on this experience and see what may or may not have shifted. Can you think more clearly, understand more deeply and more constructively seek solutions to resolve your anger and conflict?

    List of pages

    • About Marcus Gottlieb West London Psychotherapist & Counsellor
    • Boarding School Survivors Therapy
      • Boarding School Survivors & Relationship Issues
      • Boarding School Survivors and Bullying
      • Boarding School Survivors and Depression
      • Boarding School Survivors Workshops in London
    • Contact
    • Counselling in West London (home)
    • FAQ
    • London Therapy & Counselling
    • Privacy Policy
    • Psychotherapy in West London
      • Addictions & Dependencies
      • Ageing and mid-life crisis
      • Anger & Rage
      • Anxiety & Panic
      • Behaviour Change
      • Bereavement, Grief & Loss
      • body image issues and body hatred
      • Bullying & Harassment
      • CBT West London
      • Chronic fatigue IBS ME Psychosomatic Symptoms
      • Compulsive Behaviour
      • Couples Counselling in Notting Hill
      • Depression & Mood Swings
      • Eating Disorders & Intuitive Eating
      • Family & Parental Issues
      • Gay Couples Therapy
      • LGBTQ and sexual orientation
      • lonliness isolation abandonment
      • Low Self Confidence & Low self Esteem
      • Pesso-Boyden Therapy in London
      • Relationship Counselling
      • sexual difficulties sexual obsessions & addictions
      • Sleep disorders Insomnia and relaxation issues
      • Social Anxiety and other phobias and fears
      • Stress Overwhelm & Burnout
      • Therapy Groups & Workshops
    • Psychotherapy Supervision
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Therapy for abuse victims and abuse survivors
      • Male victims of domestic violence
      • Therapy for Abusive Relationships
      • Therapy for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
    • Work & Career Issues Therapy
      • Assertiveness Skills
      • Career transition counselling coaching
      • Counselling for Coping with Prejudice & Discrimination
      • Work Life Balance Counselling
      • Workplace Bullying & Harassment

    Filed Under: anger, exercises Tagged With: anger, exercises

    Footer

    Psychotherapy & Counselling in West London

    • Psychotherapy in West London
    • Therapy for Abuse Victims & Survivors
    • Work & Career Issues Therapy
    • Boarding School Survivors Therapy

    Professional Registration & Accreditation

    Marcus Gottlieb BACP Professional Psychotherapy Registration

    Practical Information

    • Full List Of Site Pages
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Privacy Policy
    • Your Questions & My Answers
    • Practice Location & Contacting Me

    © 2023 Marcus Gottlieb ·

    · Notting Hill Therapy ·
    · 67 Tabor Road, Hammersmith, London, W6 0BN ·
    · Phone: 07973 322 819
    £95 - £140
    ·
    · Site Map · Site Build & SEO Webtime ·

    MENU
    • Home
    • Psychotherapy in West London
      • Abuse & Trauma
      • Addictions & Obsessive Behaviour
      • Anger & Anger Issues
      • Anxiety & Panic Attacks
      • Behaviour Change
      • Bereavement, Grief & Loss
      • Body Image Issues & Body Hatred
      • Bullying & Harassment
      • CBT West London
      • Couples Counselling
      • Depression & Mood Swings
      • Eating Disorders & Intuitive Eating
      • Family Issues & Challenges of Parenting
      • Gay Couples Therapy
      • Groups & Workshops
      • Low Self Confidence & Low self Esteem
      • LGBTQ & Sexual Orientation
      • Midlife Crisis, Ageing & Life Transitions
      • Pesso Boyden Therapy
      • Psychosomatic Symptoms – IBS, ME, Eczema, Migraine
      • Relationship Counselling
      • Sexual Difficulties, Obsessions & Addictions
      • Sleep Disorders, Insomnia and Relaxation
      • Social Anxiety & Other Phobias or Fears
      • Stress, Overwhelm & Burnout
      • Work & Career Issues
    • Abuse & Trauma Therapy
      • Therapy for Adult Victims of Childhood Abuse
      • Male victims of domestic violence
      • Therapy for Abusive Relationships
      • Boarding School Survivors Therapy
    • Boarding School Survivors Therapy
      • Boarding School Survivors & Relationship Issues
      • Boarding School Survivors & Bullying
      • Boarding School Survivors & Depression
      • Boarding School Survivors Workshops in London
    • Work & Career Issues Therapy
      • Assertiveness Skills Coaching
      • Bias, Prejudice & Discrimination
      • Bullying & Harassment at Work
      • Career Transition Coaching
      • Work & Life Balance Counselling
    • Supervision for Psychotherapists
    • FAQ
    • About Marcus
    • Contact
    • London Therapy & Counselling
    Pesso Boyden Group with accredited practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

    Pesso Boyden Group with accredited PBSP practitioners Deborah Clarke and Marcus Gottlieb

    Pesso Boyden Therapy (‘PBSP’) is a philosophical process for becoming whole.

    It is a respectful, interactive group process that heals by embedding new memories in the brain and in the body

    Most people consciously or unconsciously have memories – explicit or implicit – of 

    1. deficits 

    2. traumas 

    3. having to take care of others when we were too young – e.g. protecting a sibling, providing the joy in the life of an unhappy parent, unconsciously becoming the ‘spouse’ of a widowed parent, or making the world right after hearing stories of injustice. 

    When any of these three categories of memory appear in the client’s work, the client and therapist work together to externalise them, in order to illuminate the client’s ways of handling life and to facilitate change. The client is always in charge of this process – people and incidents from the client’s past will be symbolised in the here-and-now either by people in the group or by objects in the room, all chosen and placed by the client. 

    The therapist then works with the client to facilitate an antidote to what happened in the past – a new memory which provides what the client needed at that particular time in their past, from a specific kinship figure. This new memory may be developed over several sessions in a number of steps. In the Pesso approach we don’t change our history; however, we do change our response to our history, leading to a new perspective. 

    The way is opened to possibilities of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning, integration and connectedness.

     



    Deborah has worked as a Performance Coach for over 16 years having trained with Coach U. Her background is in the arts as an actor, theatre director and artistic director. She has worked with a wide range of people from all walks of life. Having first encountered Pesso Boyden as a client, she felt inspired to do the training herself. Since graduating in 2013 she has been running Personal Development workshops using the Pesso Boyden system and is now accredited by the official PBSP U.K. organisation.

    Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor
    Marcus Gottlieb is a highly experienced London-based psychotherapist with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Having trained alongside Deborah directly under Al Pesso and his closest collaborator Lowijs van Perquin, he is steeped in the work of PBSP and a strong believer in the client’s genetic impulse towards health and expression of their unique potential and individual destiny. He became an accredited Pesso Boyden therapist in 2021.
    An Introduction to the Pesso Boyden Method

     

    An opportunity to learn about and observe the distinctive techniques of this respectful body-based psychotherapy.

    Suitable for both psychologically interested professionals, people seeking personal development/CPD and for people not in the therapeutic professions seeking to address entrenched issues. For all those who are interested in living a larger life. A special price of £35 for the day includes lunch and refreshments. CPD certificates will be available.

    PBSP (Pesso-Boyden System Psychomotor) is a powerful, deeply respectful, psychotherapeutic process that uses feedback, ritual, objects and role players in a unique manner to heal the traumas, wounds and losses that affect our personal map of the world.

    Its central goal is the imaginative creation of an ‘ideal’ healthy past that a person’s brain processes so that they emerge feeling differently about themselves. As Albert Pesso said, ‘Humanity is responsible for the meaning that surrounds us. The task for each person is to create a meaningful life and then live it with existential courage and passion.’

    As well as gaining new perspectives, clients often experience increased pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness following a PBSP session and find themselves psychologically freer to make the changes they wish for in their lives.
    Date: Saturday 7 October 2017
    Venue: Notting Hill, London W11
    Time: 10.00 am – 4.30 pm
    Cost: £35 (inc lunch & refreshments)

     

    Register Your Interest


    Boarding School Survivor Syndrome Conference

    BOARDING SCHOOL: Surviving the Syndrome
    Broken Attachment and Childhood Trauma

    University of Brighton

    Saturday 9 September 2017
    9.30 am to 5.00 pm

    Conference for psychotherapists, counsellors, mental health workers, boarding school survivors and other interested people.

    Conference overall aims are to:
    § Present key aspects of what has been published about the psychological and other effects of boarding.
    § Explore helpful therapeutic approaches for clients who are former boarders.
    § Consider current research and a possible agenda for future research
    § Enable networking amongst those interested in this important topic

    Chair: Pam Howard, School of Applied Social Science, University of Brighton.

    Speakers: Nick Duffell, Joy Schaverien, Alex Renton, Thurstine Basset, Anni Townend, Olya Khaleelee.

    Group Discussion Facilitators: Marcus Gottlieb, Leslie Lund, Nicola Miller, Simon Partridge, Boarding Concern Directors.

    For more details, contact Laura Williams:
    southcoastevents@brighton.ac.uk

    Pesso Boyden Workshop with Ana María Ruiz Sancho and Marcus Gottlieb

     

    Pesso Boyden Therapy is a respectful and highly respected, body-based psychotherapy with distinctive techniques aimed at addressing entrenched issues. It is an interactive process that creates new body-based memories to heal emotional deficits of the past.

    An exceptionally powerful personal development tool, it uses feedback, systematic procedures, objects and role players in a unique methodology, in order to repair the early traumas, wounds and losses that can powerfully influence the brain’s map of the world.

    In shifting underlying perspectives, the way is opened to the possibility of greater pleasure, satisfaction, meaning and connectedness, and an enhanced freedom to effect longed-for changes.

    It is expected there will be between 8 and 12 participants, with an absolute maximum of 15. The day will start with an explanation of Pesso Boyden and an experiential introduction, followed by 4 actual client sessions of an hour each.

    Venue: Philadelphia Association, 4 Marty’s Yard, London NW3 1QW
    Date: Saturday 3 June 2017
    Time: 0930 to 1800
    Cost: £75

    Register Your Interest



    Ana María Ruiz Sancho is an experienced psychiatrist and a psychotherapist. She is also a specialist in group dynamics and an Institutional and Team Motivation Consultant.

    Ana is the Founder and a Director of VocAcción, as well as being a qualified Pesso Boyden psychotherapist.


    Notting Hill Therapist | Marcus Gottlieb Psychotherapist & Counsellor

    Marcus Gottlieb works with relationships, sexuality, abuse and trauma, with a particular interest in boarding school survivor syndrome. Qualified in Pesso Boyden as well as other psychotherapies, he is also an Alexander Technique teacher.